So, I'll leave you with the following poster. I found it on FB and thought it was quite appropriate for the end of this challenge as well as the end of the year. Have a safe New Year's, everyone!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Day 31 - The end is the beginning...
No recap post today. I just think that there are better things to do today. And, who knows, maybe I'll recap this experience in a later post.
So, I'll leave you with the following poster. I found it on FB and thought it was quite appropriate for the end of this challenge as well as the end of the year. Have a safe New Year's, everyone!
So, I'll leave you with the following poster. I found it on FB and thought it was quite appropriate for the end of this challenge as well as the end of the year. Have a safe New Year's, everyone!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Day 30 - What do you mean it's not anxiety?
Today, I had my usual therapy session plus my second acupuncture session. I was a little apprehensive about having two therapy session in one day, but I tried to go with it. So, now I'm back from them both, and I must say that it has been quite an informative day.
I was told by both of my therapists that they didn't think that I had an anxiety issue. What? What do you mean I don't have an anxiety disorder? For the past three years, my entire world has been built around the fact that I, in fact, suffered from some type of anxiety-related problem. And now you're telling me that I have been fooling myself? Yes, that's exactly what they were telling.
So you might be wondering: How did that make you feel? And what is your "real issue."
Well, to tell you the truth, it didn't devastate me or rock my world. It actually made sense. I had been doubting the usage of the word "anxiety" for some time. And, I had eradicated the word panic a long time before that. It's just that I felt afraid of having a break down or panic attack in public, but I wasn't really panicked about anything else. I had started to describe my sensation more as "uneasiness" than "anxiety".
So, what is my "real" issue? It's actually more emotionally driven. And that certainly makes sense. I've said this over and over again: I think too much. That isn't a bad thing, but I've made thinking into such a habit, that I never let my emotions come out. They've been strangled inside of me for years. And they are fighting to get out. The anxiety - or rather - anguish comes from the constant struggle between my emotions and my thinking. And, boy, is it a struggle. It's like one of those epic battles from the recent comic book movies. No wonder I'm always to exhausted! There are other related topics, but this is the gist of it. I have to work on my emotions and tone down my thoughts. It's kind of a game changer, but it's a game I'm ready to play. ;)
Well, that's it for today. My last challenge post is tomorrow...see ya then.
I was told by both of my therapists that they didn't think that I had an anxiety issue. What? What do you mean I don't have an anxiety disorder? For the past three years, my entire world has been built around the fact that I, in fact, suffered from some type of anxiety-related problem. And now you're telling me that I have been fooling myself? Yes, that's exactly what they were telling.
So you might be wondering: How did that make you feel? And what is your "real issue."
Well, to tell you the truth, it didn't devastate me or rock my world. It actually made sense. I had been doubting the usage of the word "anxiety" for some time. And, I had eradicated the word panic a long time before that. It's just that I felt afraid of having a break down or panic attack in public, but I wasn't really panicked about anything else. I had started to describe my sensation more as "uneasiness" than "anxiety".
So, what is my "real" issue? It's actually more emotionally driven. And that certainly makes sense. I've said this over and over again: I think too much. That isn't a bad thing, but I've made thinking into such a habit, that I never let my emotions come out. They've been strangled inside of me for years. And they are fighting to get out. The anxiety - or rather - anguish comes from the constant struggle between my emotions and my thinking. And, boy, is it a struggle. It's like one of those epic battles from the recent comic book movies. No wonder I'm always to exhausted! There are other related topics, but this is the gist of it. I have to work on my emotions and tone down my thoughts. It's kind of a game changer, but it's a game I'm ready to play. ;)
Well, that's it for today. My last challenge post is tomorrow...see ya then.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Day 29 - New therapy regimen
Blech! I'm not all that excited about the things that my acupuncture therapist prescribed: some pills, a change in diet, a cleanse, etc. The only thing I'm actually on board with is the elimination of white foods: flour, sugar and salt. Since I'm now only eating fruits in the morning, I know that soon I won't crave sugar anymore. Backstory: I was on the anti-diet a few years back, and I practically eliminated sugar from my diet. I even spent a couple of months not eating processed foods (that was fANtastic!). So, that part of the diet is pretty darn great.
The part that is turning me off is the soaked chia, flaxseed and prune concoction I have to eat before breakfast every morning for one month. I don't need any more fiber in my diet. I'm dead serious. Eating fruits in the morning plus that additional salad at dinner is perfect for me. But, as I am an obedient patient, I'll tough out the gummy stuff...for a while, anyways. The gumminess comes from the chia and makes everything a flavorless tapioca-type gel. So, the flavor and texture ain't the problem (I actually like tapioca), it's the idea of it. The prunes help, but I'm not the biggest fan of prunes. I much prefer other dried fruits.
Anyways, hopefully I'll get over the yuck factor soon.
So, talk to ya' tomorrow. Good night for today.
The part that is turning me off is the soaked chia, flaxseed and prune concoction I have to eat before breakfast every morning for one month. I don't need any more fiber in my diet. I'm dead serious. Eating fruits in the morning plus that additional salad at dinner is perfect for me. But, as I am an obedient patient, I'll tough out the gummy stuff...for a while, anyways. The gumminess comes from the chia and makes everything a flavorless tapioca-type gel. So, the flavor and texture ain't the problem (I actually like tapioca), it's the idea of it. The prunes help, but I'm not the biggest fan of prunes. I much prefer other dried fruits.
Anyways, hopefully I'll get over the yuck factor soon.
So, talk to ya' tomorrow. Good night for today.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Day 28 - Yeah, baby!
I forgot to tell you something about my acupuncture session yesterday. The therapist was gathering the usual info, and she asked my weight. Well, due to an increase in anxiety, I have lost a considerable amount of weight lately. I know this because I fit into clothes that are one to two sizes smaller that my regular clothes. But, in the past every time I thought I had lost a lot of weight, the scale registered one, two or three pounds. So, I was already prepared to hear that that was also the case this time.
Well, it was not the case this time. I've lost about 14 kilos (±30 lbs). Can you believe it?! I certainly can't. I'm ecstatic, and for the first time in my life, I appreciate it.
I know that you want to know exactly how much I weigh, but that ain't gonna happen just yet ;) Sufficed to say, I'm somewhere between a size 10 or 12.
That's it for today. I only have 3 of these left, so I'll try to make them count. Talk to y'all tomorrow!
Well, it was not the case this time. I've lost about 14 kilos (±30 lbs). Can you believe it?! I certainly can't. I'm ecstatic, and for the first time in my life, I appreciate it.
I know that you want to know exactly how much I weigh, but that ain't gonna happen just yet ;) Sufficed to say, I'm somewhere between a size 10 or 12.
That's it for today. I only have 3 of these left, so I'll try to make them count. Talk to y'all tomorrow!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Day 27 - New Therapy
I really love alternative therapies. I had been wanting a therapist who was half-way between a psychologist and a reiki therapist...and I found her. If ye asks, ye shall receive.
Well, today I had my first acupuncture session. Freaking A! It was really interesting. I never really was all that gung-ho about acupuncture before, but I heard that this lady did electro-acupuncture. And that reminded of Edgar Cayce. I had been wanting to do a Cayce-type therapy ever since I read about it. See what I mean, ask and ye shall receive. So, I decided to take a shot.
I had needles in my head, chest (heart chakra), wrists, legs and foot (between my first two toes). First off the one in the top of my head immediately stopped me from thinking. Seriously. I couldn't put two thoughts together. Second, the one in my heart chakra hurt as if someone had punched me in the chest. It seemed as if the wind had been knocked out of me. Third, the electrical current was slightly painful - think about the most painful injection you've gotten - but not bad at all.
The only "adverse" effect was that it got really anxious when I realized I couldn't think. I mean, I am constantly thinking, planning, re-planning and organizing. It is so out of my comfort zone just to veg out. It took me a couple of minutes, but I finally found my happy place. It was so weird to be in a trance-like state. I actually smiled a couple of times. When all was said and done, I was tired...more like ultra relaxed...stoned, maybe, hehehe. It took all my concentration to focus on the therapist's explanation.
Anyways, I'm going to start a detox diet, which I have been looking forward to for the past couple of week. I have another session Friday...can't wait.
Until tomorrow!
Well, today I had my first acupuncture session. Freaking A! It was really interesting. I never really was all that gung-ho about acupuncture before, but I heard that this lady did electro-acupuncture. And that reminded of Edgar Cayce. I had been wanting to do a Cayce-type therapy ever since I read about it. See what I mean, ask and ye shall receive. So, I decided to take a shot.
I had needles in my head, chest (heart chakra), wrists, legs and foot (between my first two toes). First off the one in the top of my head immediately stopped me from thinking. Seriously. I couldn't put two thoughts together. Second, the one in my heart chakra hurt as if someone had punched me in the chest. It seemed as if the wind had been knocked out of me. Third, the electrical current was slightly painful - think about the most painful injection you've gotten - but not bad at all.
The only "adverse" effect was that it got really anxious when I realized I couldn't think. I mean, I am constantly thinking, planning, re-planning and organizing. It is so out of my comfort zone just to veg out. It took me a couple of minutes, but I finally found my happy place. It was so weird to be in a trance-like state. I actually smiled a couple of times. When all was said and done, I was tired...more like ultra relaxed...stoned, maybe, hehehe. It took all my concentration to focus on the therapist's explanation.
Anyways, I'm going to start a detox diet, which I have been looking forward to for the past couple of week. I have another session Friday...can't wait.
Until tomorrow!
Monday, December 26, 2011
Day 26 - Ehh...
Well, today I'm not really in the mood to be all shiny and happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not having a terrible day. It's just that I'm sick of the ups-and-downs of my mood. Truly, I'm not bummed or depressed or anxious. I'm just tired from the holidays and I want to take a break. You know what I mean?
I work so hard on myself every day. I just want to take some time off and skip and jump and sing and not worry about working on my anxiety or worries. As I'm typing this I must say that I would tell anyone else to "just do it". Whatever!
Tomorrow will be a better day. Until then.
I work so hard on myself every day. I just want to take some time off and skip and jump and sing and not worry about working on my anxiety or worries. As I'm typing this I must say that I would tell anyone else to "just do it". Whatever!
Tomorrow will be a better day. Until then.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Day 25 - ^______^
I'll make today's post short and sweet.
It was a fantastic day. My aunt and uncle joined my parents, my sister and me for a delicious Christmas lunch. I always enjoy our family get togethers.
On another front, I learned that my throat tightens up from something other than stress. It seems that whenever I want to remember something, I tighten my throat and clench my jaw to keep from forgetting. Who knew...problem identified. Now, to work on it.
I truly hope that all of you had a wonderful Christmas/Holiday weekend. More than any other year, I feel truly blessed!
Talk to you tomorrow!
It was a fantastic day. My aunt and uncle joined my parents, my sister and me for a delicious Christmas lunch. I always enjoy our family get togethers.
On another front, I learned that my throat tightens up from something other than stress. It seems that whenever I want to remember something, I tighten my throat and clench my jaw to keep from forgetting. Who knew...problem identified. Now, to work on it.
I truly hope that all of you had a wonderful Christmas/Holiday weekend. More than any other year, I feel truly blessed!
Talk to you tomorrow!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Day 24 - Not a White Christmas
It may not be snowing here (southern hemisphere), but it's all good.
I'm making peach cobbler, stuffing and my homemade gravy for our family meal. My mom is making the turkey. This year we decided to have Christmas lunch instead of dinner, because none of us really like to eat too late at night. My dad is in a great mood and even my sister has gotten into the Christmas spirit.
I hope you and yours have a lovely holiday!
I'm making peach cobbler, stuffing and my homemade gravy for our family meal. My mom is making the turkey. This year we decided to have Christmas lunch instead of dinner, because none of us really like to eat too late at night. My dad is in a great mood and even my sister has gotten into the Christmas spirit.
I hope you and yours have a lovely holiday!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Day 23 - Zentangling
Yay, I did get a chance to scan my new zentangles! :)
In the last post, I mentioned that these are addictive and fast. But, I didn't mention how meditative they are. Now, when I do my other artwork, I get "into the zone." But, the thing with zentangles is that I go to a completely different place. It's exactly as if I were meditating. You know, as if I were sitting on the floor with the legs crossed and chanting "ohm." I'm totally serious. There is another-worldly peace that comes over me, and I see things with absolute clarity.
Actually, while I was doing the Scape 01, I came the unequivocal decision that I had to go to the city with my aunt for her Christmas shopping. Once again, that could be considered a crazy decision for someone with anxiety disorder...I mean, 4 days before Christmas on the busiest street of the city. While I was doodling all I heard was a calm voice saying: "Yeah, we're going". There was no fear, anxiety or concern. Awesome!
Well, enough gushing. Here are some zentangles :)
Silwam's Pattern, Micron pen on grid paper, 5x5cm
Nina's Pattern, Micron pen on white paper, 10.5 x 5.5 cm
Zentangle Scape 01, Micron pen on watercolor paper, 31 x 20.5 cm
Hope you like them. Talk to you tomorrow!
In the last post, I mentioned that these are addictive and fast. But, I didn't mention how meditative they are. Now, when I do my other artwork, I get "into the zone." But, the thing with zentangles is that I go to a completely different place. It's exactly as if I were meditating. You know, as if I were sitting on the floor with the legs crossed and chanting "ohm." I'm totally serious. There is another-worldly peace that comes over me, and I see things with absolute clarity.
Actually, while I was doing the Scape 01, I came the unequivocal decision that I had to go to the city with my aunt for her Christmas shopping. Once again, that could be considered a crazy decision for someone with anxiety disorder...I mean, 4 days before Christmas on the busiest street of the city. While I was doodling all I heard was a calm voice saying: "Yeah, we're going". There was no fear, anxiety or concern. Awesome!
Well, enough gushing. Here are some zentangles :)
Silwam's Pattern, Micron pen on grid paper, 5x5cm
Nina's Pattern, Micron pen on white paper, 10.5 x 5.5 cm
Zentangle Scape 01, Micron pen on watercolor paper, 31 x 20.5 cmHope you like them. Talk to you tomorrow!
Day 22 - Nuts
Ah, nuts! I forgot about yesterday's post :P. Oh, well, I was just really engrossed in other things...
Just a week or so ago, I discovered zentangles. They are AWE-some! I totally fell in love. I am so impressed with the results...and it's such a fast process. I've done a few small zentangles on grid paper. They tend to be more rigid or geometric (depending on your point of view) than zentangles drawn on non-grid paper. And I've done a couple on white paper, too. Either way, though, they are veeeeery addictive.
For me, the most interesting part of the process is the speed. It never takes me more than a couple of hours to finish a "zentangle-scape"...no matter how intricate. I'll upload them so you see what I mean.
Well, talk to you later (in a few hours). Hopefully, I'll have enough time to scan the zentangles for you...fingers crossed!
Just a week or so ago, I discovered zentangles. They are AWE-some! I totally fell in love. I am so impressed with the results...and it's such a fast process. I've done a few small zentangles on grid paper. They tend to be more rigid or geometric (depending on your point of view) than zentangles drawn on non-grid paper. And I've done a couple on white paper, too. Either way, though, they are veeeeery addictive.
For me, the most interesting part of the process is the speed. It never takes me more than a couple of hours to finish a "zentangle-scape"...no matter how intricate. I'll upload them so you see what I mean.
Well, talk to you later (in a few hours). Hopefully, I'll have enough time to scan the zentangles for you...fingers crossed!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Day 21 - Come on bedtime ;)
Today, I went Christmas shopping with my aunt and sister. It's our second annual Holiday Shopping Extravaganza. The tradition started when our aunt asked us to accompany her because her hubby wasn't too enthusiastic about it. It's always a good time...BUT, boy am I tired!
It seems like we didn't do much, but we actually ended up walking around shopping for about 3 hours. Whew! So, I'm planning on finishing the blog, checking some FB, and waiting for my sis to get home to have our customary end-of-the-day work chat. Then, it is off to bed!
All in all a great day. ^___________^
Good night, all! Blog at ya' tomorrow!
It seems like we didn't do much, but we actually ended up walking around shopping for about 3 hours. Whew! So, I'm planning on finishing the blog, checking some FB, and waiting for my sis to get home to have our customary end-of-the-day work chat. Then, it is off to bed!
All in all a great day. ^___________^
Good night, all! Blog at ya' tomorrow!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Day 20 - T-minus 10 days
It's very hot today. It's 29°C (±84°F). That may not seem like much, but in a coastal town, it's just under unbearable. The air, the wind, is warm. I'm sure I'll be sleeping on the covers tonight :)
Anyways, I don't have much to say today. I've learned that that's a good thing. Sometimes you have wonderful news or a grand revelation to convey. And other times, you don't have anything to say. Those are the ups and downs of life. It's beautiful.
I hope you are all having a good day whether you have a lot o little to say.
Talk to you later! Tootles :)
Anyways, I don't have much to say today. I've learned that that's a good thing. Sometimes you have wonderful news or a grand revelation to convey. And other times, you don't have anything to say. Those are the ups and downs of life. It's beautiful.
I hope you are all having a good day whether you have a lot o little to say.
Talk to you later! Tootles :)
Monday, December 19, 2011
Day 19 - Happy
Oh my goodness, I am sooo tired. I guess it's because I've gone to bed a little too late the last few days, heeheehee.
Even through the tiredness, I must say that I've found a lot of things to smile about today. Nothing in particular, just general things.
I'm happy that my relationships are better every day thanks to my change in attitude. It makes me see and hear what other people say with more objectivity.
I'm happy that some things still scare me, but not enough to keep from doing them. Why am I happy that things scare me? Because it means that I can live with it and it won't rob me of my inner strength.
I'm happy that I have the opportunity to do things that I love to do. It's important to do something you love at least once a day.
I'm happy that I can see the forest and the trees. Details are important, but so is the big picture. The trick is to know when one is more important than the other.
I'm happy that every day I require less and less external validation and every day I get more and more of my own validation. That's called unconditional love...for myself.
Happy Monday, y'all. I hope that your week is wonderful! :)
Even through the tiredness, I must say that I've found a lot of things to smile about today. Nothing in particular, just general things.
I'm happy that my relationships are better every day thanks to my change in attitude. It makes me see and hear what other people say with more objectivity.
I'm happy that some things still scare me, but not enough to keep from doing them. Why am I happy that things scare me? Because it means that I can live with it and it won't rob me of my inner strength.
I'm happy that I have the opportunity to do things that I love to do. It's important to do something you love at least once a day.
I'm happy that I can see the forest and the trees. Details are important, but so is the big picture. The trick is to know when one is more important than the other.
I'm happy that every day I require less and less external validation and every day I get more and more of my own validation. That's called unconditional love...for myself.
Happy Monday, y'all. I hope that your week is wonderful! :)
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Day 17 - Hmpf!
I am dreading the new FB changes. I really don't understand what the deal is with providing less and less privacy. It all seems very "high-school" to me. I'm a grown woman, and I use Facebook daily to keep in touch with friends and family from ACROSS THE WORLD. I'm sure that I am not the only one.
Facebook is very convenient for keeping everyone reunited in one spot...and that's my main reason for singing it's praises. But, when I start losing control of my privacy or when it becomes more and more difficult to find and alter my privacy settings, it makes me think twice about keeping my profile.
The last change was awful. (also, totally sure that I'm not the only one who thinks so). The ticker was - and still is - a pain. I only use it for quick answers and seldomly. I don't see why I have to know that so-n-so liked this-n-that or became friends with another so-n-so. And I can't find the turn-off option for that particular information. Yes, I have unsubscribed from everyone's "comments and likes", but I still get informed about them. If anyone has a tip, I'd be happy to hear it.
Anyways, I'm going to wait to see the new time line to see if I definitely leave Facebook for Google+ or if the changes are user-friendly (and privacy-appropriate) enough for me. Here's a link so that you can read up on what you need to do before your profile changes to the time line. Pay close attention to the "frictionless sharing" information.
Hope y'all have a good day! See ya tomorrow...
Facebook is very convenient for keeping everyone reunited in one spot...and that's my main reason for singing it's praises. But, when I start losing control of my privacy or when it becomes more and more difficult to find and alter my privacy settings, it makes me think twice about keeping my profile.
The last change was awful. (also, totally sure that I'm not the only one who thinks so). The ticker was - and still is - a pain. I only use it for quick answers and seldomly. I don't see why I have to know that so-n-so liked this-n-that or became friends with another so-n-so. And I can't find the turn-off option for that particular information. Yes, I have unsubscribed from everyone's "comments and likes", but I still get informed about them. If anyone has a tip, I'd be happy to hear it.
Anyways, I'm going to wait to see the new time line to see if I definitely leave Facebook for Google+ or if the changes are user-friendly (and privacy-appropriate) enough for me. Here's a link so that you can read up on what you need to do before your profile changes to the time line. Pay close attention to the "frictionless sharing" information.
Hope y'all have a good day! See ya tomorrow...
Friday, December 16, 2011
Day 16 - Zzzz
Boy, am I beat! This weekend I'm just going to chill. I might even sleep all day...maybe. Oh, and I'm gonna make some Christmas cookies :)
As for today (오늘은 in Korean ;)), therapy was cool...and great :) In the past few weeks I've had several revelations. The cool part is that I don't actually remember them all. Why cool? Well, the deal is that a lesson learned is a lesson forgotten. So, it's a good thing when you don't remember those amazing epiphanies you have. It means that it has become part of your "hard drive" :).
Nevertheless, I've made the effort to remember them so I could share them with you:
So, that's it for today. Until mañana :)
As for today (오늘은 in Korean ;)), therapy was cool...and great :) In the past few weeks I've had several revelations. The cool part is that I don't actually remember them all. Why cool? Well, the deal is that a lesson learned is a lesson forgotten. So, it's a good thing when you don't remember those amazing epiphanies you have. It means that it has become part of your "hard drive" :).
Nevertheless, I've made the effort to remember them so I could share them with you:
- I love my friend and wish her the best, but it isn't my place to shield her from harm. That would be keeping her from her road. I must walk beside her not behind her pushing her forward or in front of her dragging her along.
- I've always had people in my life singing my praises (yes, I am very blessed). I smiled and thanked them, but I never really shared their enthusiasm for me. Well, I was wrong. They have been showing me that I need to love, admire and respect myself the same way they do. Say it with me: "I'm awesome"...and mean it!
- When someone gives/shows you love - in the form of a compliment, hug, etc - don't punt it back. Take it, smile and let it settle into your heart.
- Respect your process and its duration.
- Respect the process of others.
So, that's it for today. Until mañana :)
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Day 15 - "Unexpected" Blessings
I've learned two lessons since yesterday. One, the day isn't over until it's over. By that I mean that a crappy day can become awesome in an instant. Two, I really do have magical powers! ;) This one is a little more figurative. I had actually wanted an old friend who had recently moved to Chile to come visit me...and she did.
Yesterday, I was having a crappy day. The belly ache gave way to unexpected anxiety. By 9:00 p.m., I had basically given up on the day. Then, I got an SOS from my friend, S. She was in town and needed a place to crash with her daughter. Awesome-sauce. It has been one fun-filled ride since then.
Now, here's a little back story. I haven't really been getting out of my house since March. Seriously. It hasn't been fun especially since I don't want to be stranded in my house (that's not who I am). But, my fear, worry, concern about maybe, possibly having a panic attack in public has kept me from going out too often. I have only recently started to take short walks around town with my sister, and that has been helpful.
Well, when I heard that S was moving back, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. And I eventually, thought it would be great if she came to me. AND I secretly (even kept it from myself) promised myself that I would make every effort to have fun and go out while she was here IF she did come visit. Low and behold, it happened.
I knew from the get go that they were going to want to go out. I struggled with my decision to go with them all day long...even as we were driving to our destination. But, even though I wasn't at 100%, I knew that I could NOT let my anxiety/fear deprive me of having a good time with one of my closest and dearest friends. It might have been "crazy" for a person who has suffered anxiety disorder to go to a mall 10 days before Christmas, but I said "Bite me, Anxiety".
I know it's hard to get to that place where you stare down your fear and say "I've heard what you have to say, but I'm doing this anyways". But, it IS possible. If anyone out there is suffering from anxiety, depression, or panic disorders KNOW that it is possible. And even if you struggle with keeping it permanent, that's just the circle of life...and if you found it once, you can find it again.
Good night, y'all. Talk to you tomorrow!
Yesterday, I was having a crappy day. The belly ache gave way to unexpected anxiety. By 9:00 p.m., I had basically given up on the day. Then, I got an SOS from my friend, S. She was in town and needed a place to crash with her daughter. Awesome-sauce. It has been one fun-filled ride since then.
Now, here's a little back story. I haven't really been getting out of my house since March. Seriously. It hasn't been fun especially since I don't want to be stranded in my house (that's not who I am). But, my fear, worry, concern about maybe, possibly having a panic attack in public has kept me from going out too often. I have only recently started to take short walks around town with my sister, and that has been helpful.
Well, when I heard that S was moving back, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. And I eventually, thought it would be great if she came to me. AND I secretly (even kept it from myself) promised myself that I would make every effort to have fun and go out while she was here IF she did come visit. Low and behold, it happened.
I knew from the get go that they were going to want to go out. I struggled with my decision to go with them all day long...even as we were driving to our destination. But, even though I wasn't at 100%, I knew that I could NOT let my anxiety/fear deprive me of having a good time with one of my closest and dearest friends. It might have been "crazy" for a person who has suffered anxiety disorder to go to a mall 10 days before Christmas, but I said "Bite me, Anxiety".
I know it's hard to get to that place where you stare down your fear and say "I've heard what you have to say, but I'm doing this anyways". But, it IS possible. If anyone out there is suffering from anxiety, depression, or panic disorders KNOW that it is possible. And even if you struggle with keeping it permanent, that's just the circle of life...and if you found it once, you can find it again.
Good night, y'all. Talk to you tomorrow!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Day 14 - Lazy Day
Boo, I have a tummy ache :( I think it's because I ate too much last night. I took some medicine, and it's worked pretty well. But, I decided to take the day off anyways! :)
That has got to be the most awesome part about being your own boss. Fortunately, the school year is coming to an end, so our workload is also quite light at the moment.
So, for the rest of the day, I will do my best not to worry about anything work- or responsibility-related. I think I might review some Korean and maybe just lay in bed looking at the ceiling. Ah, life really is grand!
Until tomorrow :)
That has got to be the most awesome part about being your own boss. Fortunately, the school year is coming to an end, so our workload is also quite light at the moment.
So, for the rest of the day, I will do my best not to worry about anything work- or responsibility-related. I think I might review some Korean and maybe just lay in bed looking at the ceiling. Ah, life really is grand!
Until tomorrow :)
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Day 13 - Snowflakes and Tree :)
Two of my favorite snowflakes :)
Three tiny snowflakes (±1-1/2" diam) on my bedroom door
Our Christmas Tree. I thought that anything too snowy just wouldn't cut it what with the glorious lack of it here xD (except for the snowflakes, of course...but they were a must have!). So, I've gone for a more modern type of decoration. I'm really happy with the results so far. If you want to know how to make this tree, check it out here. It's really simple, but a little time consuming. If your going to make one, don't get a really thick magazine. This one was a Glamour.I also made a quick and easy wreath...will post that soon.
Bye for now :)
Monday, December 12, 2011
Day 12 - Fail
So, today I started with the freakin' Christmas cheer, hehehe. It was quite an interesting experience. I actually overwhelmed myself because I started taking control of EVERYTHING...and I mean everything. I became dictator extraordinaire and that made me feel anxious. I started feeling the queasiness in the pit of my stomach. And I was actually hunched over as if the weight of the world were on my shoulders. It took me the better part of the day to realize that I was the only one pressuring myself to do everything I thought had to be done. No one in my fam was forcing me to do anything in any particular way. Revelation for the day: I'm only trying to impress one person... ME. And me is the hardest customer to please. :/
But that's cool. At least I know who I need to work on...me, again. And, although that can be trying at times, it's nowhere near as overwhelming as thinking that you have to please everyone else.
Anywho, I got a tree made which I can't show y'all cuz my camera batteries died...the main ones, the backups and the backups' backups >.< Yep, I was mad. But, I got them charged up, and tomorrow I will start taking pictures and uploading them.
The main menu for Christmas isn't final yet. But, I think I've almost convinced my mom to make a ham. Like I said on the last blog, I'll probably be making some kind of dessert(s). I'm not quite sure if my sister will pitch in, but she's not really into holiday food making. She likes cooking and baking and she does them well...she just does them on her terms ;).
So, I'll talk to you guys later...buh-bye :)
But that's cool. At least I know who I need to work on...me, again. And, although that can be trying at times, it's nowhere near as overwhelming as thinking that you have to please everyone else.
Anywho, I got a tree made which I can't show y'all cuz my camera batteries died...the main ones, the backups and the backups' backups >.< Yep, I was mad. But, I got them charged up, and tomorrow I will start taking pictures and uploading them.
The main menu for Christmas isn't final yet. But, I think I've almost convinced my mom to make a ham. Like I said on the last blog, I'll probably be making some kind of dessert(s). I'm not quite sure if my sister will pitch in, but she's not really into holiday food making. She likes cooking and baking and she does them well...she just does them on her terms ;).
So, I'll talk to you guys later...buh-bye :)
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Day 11 - 'Tis the Season?
Well, yeah, it IS the season. But, not really for me. Not for the past 20 years. I haven't really celebrated Christmas since moving to the southern hemisphere. That's a bit extreme, you say? Maybe, but if you haven't ever made a north-south hemispherical move, you will have no idea how much of an impact it can have on you. This is how it happened in my case:
At first, I was being rebellious and holier-than-thou (as in "whatever, dude...these people don't know what Christmas is really about. How can they have a clue when it's 100° outside?!"). Then, I was whiney and stubborn ("It's not Christmas without snow! *pouty face"). Finally, I mellowed out and came to a realization. It's just really hard to prepare for the Christmas when it's summer. For me, Christmas is about congregation, snuggling, getting together with family and friends. Well, here Christmas is about summer vacation, parties, getting away from family and friends. In short, it's about dispersion. But, I came to the conclusion that none of that should matter. Christmas is also about tradition...your own personal traditions.
So, this year I've made a concerted effort to resurrect my passion for Christmas (it was my favoritest holiday of the year) and perhaps initiate some traditions of my own. I've started by making snowflakes...you know, the ones we used to make as kids. They are now plastered all over my door and some walls :). I'm planning on making cookies and decorating them. And I think I'll make a pie for Christmas dinner. It will have to be blueberry or peach (maybe apple) just because that's what's in season right now. So, I will definitely upload the fruits of my labor to show you :)
Until tomorrow, y'all!
At first, I was being rebellious and holier-than-thou (as in "whatever, dude...these people don't know what Christmas is really about. How can they have a clue when it's 100° outside?!"). Then, I was whiney and stubborn ("It's not Christmas without snow! *pouty face"). Finally, I mellowed out and came to a realization. It's just really hard to prepare for the Christmas when it's summer. For me, Christmas is about congregation, snuggling, getting together with family and friends. Well, here Christmas is about summer vacation, parties, getting away from family and friends. In short, it's about dispersion. But, I came to the conclusion that none of that should matter. Christmas is also about tradition...your own personal traditions.
So, this year I've made a concerted effort to resurrect my passion for Christmas (it was my favoritest holiday of the year) and perhaps initiate some traditions of my own. I've started by making snowflakes...you know, the ones we used to make as kids. They are now plastered all over my door and some walls :). I'm planning on making cookies and decorating them. And I think I'll make a pie for Christmas dinner. It will have to be blueberry or peach (maybe apple) just because that's what's in season right now. So, I will definitely upload the fruits of my labor to show you :)
Until tomorrow, y'all!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Day 10 - I've got nuffin'
I've got a mongo eyeball headache, and I don't feel like blogging today...so :P
Tomorrow will be better, hehehe!
Tomorrow will be better, hehehe!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Day 9 - My new obsession
Okay, fine, I'll admit it. I'm addicted to Pinterest. Hahaha...it's amazing! It's like having 100,000 personal shoppers showing you things that you might like. I've seen some really cute, interesting, yummy and funny things in the past couple of weeks. I've even made a couple of the recipes I've found on there.
I know that many people are adverse to using it, and I know why. You are lulled into a symphony of beautiful pictures and funny comments and before you realize it, you've "wasted" 3 hours in front of the monitor. But, if you're a homeschooler or crafty person, it's well worth the time. All kidding aside, I've found a lot of useful things for our EFL students (both adults and children). It's also opened me up to other art forms and some decorating ideas that I had not considered before. And, if you're like me and speak fluently in (movie, TV, book) quotes, it's a goldmine for funny comments.
If you haven't taken a look, do so...it's an interesting alternative to FB :)
Until tomorrow, guys! Bye
I know that many people are adverse to using it, and I know why. You are lulled into a symphony of beautiful pictures and funny comments and before you realize it, you've "wasted" 3 hours in front of the monitor. But, if you're a homeschooler or crafty person, it's well worth the time. All kidding aside, I've found a lot of useful things for our EFL students (both adults and children). It's also opened me up to other art forms and some decorating ideas that I had not considered before. And, if you're like me and speak fluently in (movie, TV, book) quotes, it's a goldmine for funny comments.
If you haven't taken a look, do so...it's an interesting alternative to FB :)
Until tomorrow, guys! Bye
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Day 8 - One thing that irritates me is...
...when people insist on romanizing Korean. In general, I find it strange (I would have used "maniacal", but I'm trying to be more precise and appropriate with my word choices) that anyone would choose to exclusively learn the romanized version of any language and here's why.
Romanization is to Korean (and any other language) what sound-spelling is to English. It's basically a tool...no more. So, when I see everyone writing in romanized Korean, I imagine myself writing English in sound-spelling. It would make little sense and could be wildly confusing. You can't look the romanized version of the word up in a dictionary (just like an English dictionary is not alphabetized according to sound spelling). And to make matters worse, there are different versions of romanization.
The biggest excuse I hear for not using Hanguel (한글, the Korean alphabet) is that their phone doesn't support it. I guess I'm kinda old-fashioned, but those kids surely can't be studying on their phones, can they? And if you really cared about learning/knowing the language, wouldn't you invest in having it on your phone? Well, I would. Period. In fact, that condition will determine the purchase of my next cellphone.
So, all I can say is: Knock it off...You're rocking my nerves! (hahaha)
Til next time, guys!
Romanization is to Korean (and any other language) what sound-spelling is to English. It's basically a tool...no more. So, when I see everyone writing in romanized Korean, I imagine myself writing English in sound-spelling. It would make little sense and could be wildly confusing. You can't look the romanized version of the word up in a dictionary (just like an English dictionary is not alphabetized according to sound spelling). And to make matters worse, there are different versions of romanization.
The biggest excuse I hear for not using Hanguel (한글, the Korean alphabet) is that their phone doesn't support it. I guess I'm kinda old-fashioned, but those kids surely can't be studying on their phones, can they? And if you really cared about learning/knowing the language, wouldn't you invest in having it on your phone? Well, I would. Period. In fact, that condition will determine the purchase of my next cellphone.
So, all I can say is: Knock it off...You're rocking my nerves! (hahaha)
Til next time, guys!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Day 7 - Every Second Counts
I've been resting after my fall yesterday. I'm in a bit more pain than yesterday and terribly bored!!! I can't sit down for very long... or stand, so I'm condemned to lie on my side for a couple of days :/
That's pretty much it for today. I just wanted share this link, 'cuz I think it's an awesome idea. There are still a few days left before the deadline:
Later! :)
That's pretty much it for today. I just wanted share this link, 'cuz I think it's an awesome idea. There are still a few days left before the deadline:
The Beauty Of A Second from The Beauty Of A Second on Vimeo.
Later! :)
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Day 6 - Bumps and Bruises
Today started off just fine. But, around 11:00 a.m. I slipped on the last two steps of my staircase and hit my rear end on a couple of steps x(.
Why is it that being in an accident either leads to aloofness (me, no, I wasn't injured *blood trickling from the ears) or anger (stupid chair, it wasn't supposed to be in the same place it always is)? Well, I experienced the latter. I actually got angry at my sister. "My, God! How dare she not be here for me to tell her immediately how angry I am that I slipped and fell". Sounds funny, now. :)
I was determined not to let it affect my day...and it didn't. :) Other than not being able to sit properly - right now I'm lying on my side typing this - it really wasn't a big deal. I didn't even share it on my Facebook page! That's a first for me...big smiley face!
Well, that's it for today. Talk at y'all tomorrow.
Why is it that being in an accident either leads to aloofness (me, no, I wasn't injured *blood trickling from the ears) or anger (stupid chair, it wasn't supposed to be in the same place it always is)? Well, I experienced the latter. I actually got angry at my sister. "My, God! How dare she not be here for me to tell her immediately how angry I am that I slipped and fell". Sounds funny, now. :)
I was determined not to let it affect my day...and it didn't. :) Other than not being able to sit properly - right now I'm lying on my side typing this - it really wasn't a big deal. I didn't even share it on my Facebook page! That's a first for me...big smiley face!
Well, that's it for today. Talk at y'all tomorrow.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Day 5 - Blur
Wow, today has been hectic! I went to the bank, made lunch and am still working at 6.00 p.m. But, it's all good. I haven't over-thought much of anything today...and that counts as a good day in my book. The bank was a good place to learn more about myself through other people. And the work I'm doing right now is also a good growing experience for me (knowing what I will and won't do...no matter how much people try to guilt me into doing it).
Here's to more blurry days that help you grow on the inside :)
See ya tomorrow!
Here's to more blurry days that help you grow on the inside :)
See ya tomorrow!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Day 4 - Keeping it in
Well, well. I almost forgot about today's post. :/ That's one of my habits. I start everything in a gung-ho manner, and then I lose steam. Note to self: work on that for the future.
I'm not sure why that is. It has nothing to do with the importance of the thing I'm doing. In fact, I place great importance on this blogging challenge. The reason that I'm doing it is to learn about how and what I communicate. I've censored my words my whole life. People have said that I am very diplomatic, and I always took it as a compliment (as I think it was intended). But in the past few years, I've wondered if that diplomacy is more of a fault than a virtue.
The first signs that this was a problem were pointed out to me by my sister. I would tell her about a comment someone had made and I would say "...and I was like (insert funny comeback here)". She would generally reply: "That's so funny. Is that what you said?" And I would say: "No, it's what I thought." Eventually, she started asking me why I didn't say or write those comebacks down. Well, my quick answer would be I didn't want to say something out of line that would offend anyone. But, I have to admit that it also has to do with self esteem. If I said (say) something "wrong" people would turn on my, they would judge me, they wouldn't like me. It's a whopper. I'm not sure I've wrapped my head around the whole thing. But, I am working on it.
I also realized that I didn't just do it as a response to other people's comments. I started noticing that I would do it with my own, original thoughts as well. Now, that can't be healthy, can it? I've always been a reserved and introverted person. But, when I was around close friends, I was much more extroverted. In the last few years, however, I must admit that my self-censorship was applied across the board. I started living in my own head. Now, that can't be healthy either, can it?
And it's not only not healthy, it's useless. No matter how hard you tighten the gag around your mouth (I'm talking about bruxism, people), your subconscious will find a way of "spilling your guts" for you. I only just realized that the artwork that I've been doing lately is just that.
Hmmm, and here I was thinking that it was a half-assed past-time that helped keep my mind off of things. Moral of the story: Start paying attention because everything we do is important and special :). I wasn't really planning on uploading any artwork today, but in light of this revelation I would like to share one of my latest (and favorite) paintings:
Dandelions, 2011 - Oil pastel on canvas
See y'all tomorrow :)
I'm not sure why that is. It has nothing to do with the importance of the thing I'm doing. In fact, I place great importance on this blogging challenge. The reason that I'm doing it is to learn about how and what I communicate. I've censored my words my whole life. People have said that I am very diplomatic, and I always took it as a compliment (as I think it was intended). But in the past few years, I've wondered if that diplomacy is more of a fault than a virtue.
The first signs that this was a problem were pointed out to me by my sister. I would tell her about a comment someone had made and I would say "...and I was like (insert funny comeback here)". She would generally reply: "That's so funny. Is that what you said?" And I would say: "No, it's what I thought." Eventually, she started asking me why I didn't say or write those comebacks down. Well, my quick answer would be I didn't want to say something out of line that would offend anyone. But, I have to admit that it also has to do with self esteem. If I said (say) something "wrong" people would turn on my, they would judge me, they wouldn't like me. It's a whopper. I'm not sure I've wrapped my head around the whole thing. But, I am working on it.
I also realized that I didn't just do it as a response to other people's comments. I started noticing that I would do it with my own, original thoughts as well. Now, that can't be healthy, can it? I've always been a reserved and introverted person. But, when I was around close friends, I was much more extroverted. In the last few years, however, I must admit that my self-censorship was applied across the board. I started living in my own head. Now, that can't be healthy either, can it?
And it's not only not healthy, it's useless. No matter how hard you tighten the gag around your mouth (I'm talking about bruxism, people), your subconscious will find a way of "spilling your guts" for you. I only just realized that the artwork that I've been doing lately is just that.
Hmmm, and here I was thinking that it was a half-assed past-time that helped keep my mind off of things. Moral of the story: Start paying attention because everything we do is important and special :). I wasn't really planning on uploading any artwork today, but in light of this revelation I would like to share one of my latest (and favorite) paintings:
Dandelions, 2011 - Oil pastel on canvasSee y'all tomorrow :)
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Day 2 - Therapy
Well, today has been much better than yesterday. I have the annoying tendency of over-thinking and of over-working myself. I'm working on that...yeah, and sometime overworking that.
Anyways, today was my bimonthly (semi-montly? I know there's a difference, but I can't be bothered to look it up right...every other week) therapy session. I have been going to an energy therapist for a few months now. She's also a floral therapist (I do Bach Floral Therapy) and a psychologist. She is, in fact, everything I was looking for in a therapist :).
I have had two previous therapists - both men. I am quick to point that out because I think that it was important for me to find a female therapist. Many people will say that it doesn't matter, and I will agree that for them it doesn't matter. But, for me it was important. No matter how good of a professional a male therapist is, there's no way he will ever understand when you come in raving about the cute little top you just bought. And, both of my previous therapists were very good, and I would recommend them in a heartbeat. This time around, however, I really wanted to share my process with a woman.
Honestly, I'm not 100% satisfied with it, but I think that's another point I have to work on. I'm just like the rest of world...I want that magic pill that makes everything better. I have to admit that my process has been bumpy but good...and motivating...and exhausting...and frustrating...and fulfilling. I think that the point is to see the road (for however bumpy it might be) is a gift. The pill is the opposite...the anti-gift so to speak.
So, here's to the road. Bye for now. See y'all tomorrow.
Anyways, today was my bimonthly (semi-montly? I know there's a difference, but I can't be bothered to look it up right...every other week) therapy session. I have been going to an energy therapist for a few months now. She's also a floral therapist (I do Bach Floral Therapy) and a psychologist. She is, in fact, everything I was looking for in a therapist :).
I have had two previous therapists - both men. I am quick to point that out because I think that it was important for me to find a female therapist. Many people will say that it doesn't matter, and I will agree that for them it doesn't matter. But, for me it was important. No matter how good of a professional a male therapist is, there's no way he will ever understand when you come in raving about the cute little top you just bought. And, both of my previous therapists were very good, and I would recommend them in a heartbeat. This time around, however, I really wanted to share my process with a woman.
Honestly, I'm not 100% satisfied with it, but I think that's another point I have to work on. I'm just like the rest of world...I want that magic pill that makes everything better. I have to admit that my process has been bumpy but good...and motivating...and exhausting...and frustrating...and fulfilling. I think that the point is to see the road (for however bumpy it might be) is a gift. The pill is the opposite...the anti-gift so to speak.
So, here's to the road. Bye for now. See y'all tomorrow.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Day 1 - Blech
Today, I have a headache, and I'm exhausted. I did some obsessing about my life last night, and it wore me out. The plan is to rest today and to nap some. I'm very thankful that I have a life that allows me to do that. :)
Day 1's post is over...that wasn't as painful as I thought it would be ;)
See ya'll tomorrow.
Day 1's post is over...that wasn't as painful as I thought it would be ;)
See ya'll tomorrow.
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